"Burritos."
--The Robo-Pirate
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Thursday, May 25, 2006
...And Justice For All, or at least for Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling
Well, Kenneth Lay and Jeffrey Skilling were convicted today, thank Christ. Of course, they have no remorse. Of his conviction, Skilling said, "Obviously I'm disappointed. But that's the way the system works."
You're disappointed, Jeffrey Skilling? I'll bet you aren't as disappointed as the people you bilked out of their pensions, nor any Californian who was inconvenienced when his or her power went out because of you two, nor as disappointed as you will be when get to experience life in federal prison. Enjoy your butt-rapes, you fucking assholes. You deserve every humiliating second of them.
--The Robo-Pirate
You're disappointed, Jeffrey Skilling? I'll bet you aren't as disappointed as the people you bilked out of their pensions, nor any Californian who was inconvenienced when his or her power went out because of you two, nor as disappointed as you will be when get to experience life in federal prison. Enjoy your butt-rapes, you fucking assholes. You deserve every humiliating second of them.
--The Robo-Pirate
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Sheesh
Log on to Sallie Mae dot com to manage your loans!
(It's not recognizing me)
Your expected wait time for this call is 3 minutes. Mondays are our busiest days.
(it's Wednesday)
...
Look, do you guys still want my money or not?
I'm just saying is all.
--The Robo-Pirate
(It's not recognizing me)
Your expected wait time for this call is 3 minutes. Mondays are our busiest days.
(it's Wednesday)
...
Look, do you guys still want my money or not?
I'm just saying is all.
--The Robo-Pirate
Monday, May 22, 2006
Fighting the Urge
I've been working part time at my friend's bar in order to have some savings while the bulk of my primary job's paycheck goes to bills. What this means is that I can make about a hundred extra bucks a week or so, which also means that I have disposable cash, and disposable cash means that I very nearly bought an Xbox 360 on Sunday.
As far as compulsions go, I could do a lot worse. At least it's not heroin or shoes.
--The Robo-Pirate
As far as compulsions go, I could do a lot worse. At least it's not heroin or shoes.
--The Robo-Pirate
The Robo-Pirate Engages Archie Bunker Mode
Comic books are gay. Now I don't really mean that, but when I was a kid, I used to ride my bike across town to the Comic Grapevine, which was the only dedicated comic book store in Lodi (I know, I know, as if a community of 55,000 people needs more than one). And this made my mom nervous, in part because I had to cross a busy street called Kettleman Lane, but also because she swore up and down that the Comic Grapevine was full of pedophiles, who would love nothing more than to grab a couple eleven-year olds when they went to pick up the latest issue of Aquaman.* As far as I was concerned, I was perfectly safe as long as I didn't go past the manga racks and into the back of the shop, because that was where twenty-something men with glasses and patchy goatees sat reeking of Mountain Dew and armpits while playing Dungeons and Dragons. And as everyone knows, these people are not to be bothered or engaged lest you wish to be pulled into a windowless van and later cut up into bite-sized pieces.
My mom might have been hysterically imaginative about the patrons of the Comic Grapevine, but I do concede that comic books unfortunately get this homoerotic rap, because of a number of inherent conventions. Primarily, it's because of the overwhelming dude factor. When a medium is largely comprised of dudes reading illustrated stories about dudes, it's hard not to think certain things. This was a big deal in the mid-1950s, when some concerned citizens got their noses out of joint over homoerotic overtones (homovertones?) in comics because of a book called The Seduction of the Innocent, that alleged, among other things, that superhero comics made kids gay. And really, if you have ever looked at an old Batman comic, you can kind of see where they were coming from.
Anyway, on Sunday, I went to the Borders down the street to pick up the May issues of Uncanny X-Men and Astonishing X-Men. Like a lot of bookstores, the Borders' comics selection is in a revolving rack near the periodicals. After I had found the two books I was looking for, my browsing shifted to the adjacent magazine shelves. I absently gazed at these magazine for almost a whole minute before realizing that I stood in front of titles such as Out, Shout, Pink, Curves, DIVA and probably the official publication of the Bravo! network. In other words, Borders puts their gay and lesbian lifestyle magazines right next to their comic books.
Oddly, Men's Health was way on the other side next to FHM and Maxim.
I don't know what the point of putting magazines geared for topman and bottom next to the comics is, but I made a beeline for the Playboys nevertheless, just in case anyone had been looking. It's bad enough to be 27 and caught with two X-Men comics; I can't accurately describe the embarrassment of being caught holding said comics in front a magazine with Augusten Burroughs or Rosie O'Donnell on the cover.
--The Robo-Pirate
*Over the past couple years, I've noticed that Aquaman seems to be the most maligned superhero in the entire pantheon. I don't know why this is, but apparently Aquaman hs a reputation for (so sorry for the pun) fishy behavior. This is why I'm glad I stuck to Marvel titles. Cyclops and Wolverine fought over Jean Grey, not Gene Grey.
My mom might have been hysterically imaginative about the patrons of the Comic Grapevine, but I do concede that comic books unfortunately get this homoerotic rap, because of a number of inherent conventions. Primarily, it's because of the overwhelming dude factor. When a medium is largely comprised of dudes reading illustrated stories about dudes, it's hard not to think certain things. This was a big deal in the mid-1950s, when some concerned citizens got their noses out of joint over homoerotic overtones (homovertones?) in comics because of a book called The Seduction of the Innocent, that alleged, among other things, that superhero comics made kids gay. And really, if you have ever looked at an old Batman comic, you can kind of see where they were coming from.
Anyway, on Sunday, I went to the Borders down the street to pick up the May issues of Uncanny X-Men and Astonishing X-Men. Like a lot of bookstores, the Borders' comics selection is in a revolving rack near the periodicals. After I had found the two books I was looking for, my browsing shifted to the adjacent magazine shelves. I absently gazed at these magazine for almost a whole minute before realizing that I stood in front of titles such as Out, Shout, Pink, Curves, DIVA and probably the official publication of the Bravo! network. In other words, Borders puts their gay and lesbian lifestyle magazines right next to their comic books.
Oddly, Men's Health was way on the other side next to FHM and Maxim.
I don't know what the point of putting magazines geared for topman and bottom next to the comics is, but I made a beeline for the Playboys nevertheless, just in case anyone had been looking. It's bad enough to be 27 and caught with two X-Men comics; I can't accurately describe the embarrassment of being caught holding said comics in front a magazine with Augusten Burroughs or Rosie O'Donnell on the cover.
--The Robo-Pirate
*Over the past couple years, I've noticed that Aquaman seems to be the most maligned superhero in the entire pantheon. I don't know why this is, but apparently Aquaman hs a reputation for (so sorry for the pun) fishy behavior. This is why I'm glad I stuck to Marvel titles. Cyclops and Wolverine fought over Jean Grey, not Gene Grey.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Yet another reason why Danzig should have stuck with the Misfits
I've been looking for this video for about two years. It's of Glen Danzig getting punched in the face. I assume I don't need to tell you twice to click the link.
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Quiznos = Bad
Last night sucked. I had a lot of crap to do, not a lot of time to do it, and this stress was compounded by the fact that I ate Quiznos, which caused me to vomit twice. I guess I should be grateful that it didn't totally incapacitate me today. Apparently, minor food poisoning is God's way of saying make your own damn food.
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Saturday, April 29, 2006
I Heart NOFX
The Warped Tour comes to Dallas on July 1. Before you ask if I'm a little old to be going to the Warped Tour, I should remind you that any question you ask of me that begins with "aren't you a little old to be __________" is definitely rhetorical and probably irrelevant, because the answer to the question will almost always be yes.
I don't go every year. In fact, I've only gone to five: '97, '99, '00, '03 and '04. It gets to be a bigger ordeal every year, and unless there is a headlining band that I really, really like, I don't care to watch eight million bands I'll never see again. Occasionally, I'll become a fan of a band I've never heard of after seeing them on the Warped Tour (Tha Alkaholics in '97, Flogging Molly in '00), but mostly, I wait around to see bands I listened to as a kid, which sort of makes me feel like my mom, who recently went to see Bob Dylan. I missed out on a lot of concerts in high school, so while my friends have vivid memories of Rancid at the Warfield or Pennywise at the Crest Theater, I don't. I have to see these bands a decade after I should have, but better late than never, right?
This year NOFX is headlining, and I can't wait. I've never seen them live; the closest I've come was at the 2000 Warped Tour, when I needed only to direct my attention to the other stage when Long Beach Dub Allstars finished their set. Instead, I got a call from my girlfriend at the time, more or less demanding to know when I was coming to pick her up. A week later, that girlfriend would bang her roommate's visiting friend and totally lie about it, so needless to say, I should never have even bothered to answer the phone. If that story wasn't so uninteresting or long, I'd probably tell it to Fat Mike and offer him my sincerest apologies, if I ever get to meet him.
Anyway, I quit listening to NOFX because of two albums: Heavy Petting Zoo and OK Computer. Heavy Petting Zoo was a huge disappointment. It has exactly three listenable songs: "Filthy Phil Philanthropist," "Hot Dog in a Hallway" and "Bleeding Heart Disease"; the rest of it pretty much blows. It didn't make sense to me that a band that got better with every subsequent release could churn out such a turd. Of course, I was a rabid Led Zeppelin fan between 1992 and 1994, and when you consider that the last three Zeppelin records get progressively worse, my displeasure with NOFX is a little illogical and kind of unfair. Regardless of that, though, I lost interest in them, especially after I bought OK Computer.
Now, I don't like Radiohead very much any more, but I used to like them a lot. I love The Bends and I love OK Computer, and I have a lot of really fond memories of both, but after the audio equivalent of "The Emperor's New Clothes," I dropped them like an angry cat. By now I may have painted myself as a fickle fan, but I'm really not; Kid A and Amnesiac are good records, but not as good as OK Computer, and certainly not as goddamn good as every music critic (except Nick Hornby, bless him) insisted they were. Plus, I got tired of Thom Yorke's neverending anti-american pontificating. Doesn't he have his own country to shake his finger at? I'm just saying is all.
OK Computer is the only concept album I have ever paid attention too. Other than humoring people who insist that "The Dark Side of Oz" is something other than deterministic pot-talk, I've never bothered with concept albums, with the possible exception of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, since it's on my need-to-get-and-give-a-good-going-over list. I'm not even sure that OK Computer qualifies as a concept album, since there doesn't seem to be a central character or whatever. It is obviously unified in theme (THOM YORKE IS AFRAID OF TECHNOLOGY! SO MUCH THAT HE MADE TWO TECHNO ALBUMS), and my sophomore-year roommate insisted it was a concept album ("a paranoid song-cycle about the soulless mechanization of modern life" Really, Andy? And you say you didn't read that in Rolling Stone?), so for my intents and purposes, that's what it is. The main point of all of this is that after I had digested it, I pretty much decided that I had outgrown the Fat phase of my life.
Then one night in 2003, I went into this bar on 7th street that had one of those mp3 jukeboxes. I went in and loaded it up with Sublime and Bad Religion and Dropkick Murphys, and the bartender and I got to talking about mid '90s punk, and he wanted to know what I thought about the new NOFX album (which, at the time, was The War on Errorism. I of course, had not bothered to listen to it, so he lent it to me, and I was immediately hooked. And since acquiring an iPod, I've been playing catch up with all the releases I've missed. A brief recap:
I don't go every year. In fact, I've only gone to five: '97, '99, '00, '03 and '04. It gets to be a bigger ordeal every year, and unless there is a headlining band that I really, really like, I don't care to watch eight million bands I'll never see again. Occasionally, I'll become a fan of a band I've never heard of after seeing them on the Warped Tour (Tha Alkaholics in '97, Flogging Molly in '00), but mostly, I wait around to see bands I listened to as a kid, which sort of makes me feel like my mom, who recently went to see Bob Dylan. I missed out on a lot of concerts in high school, so while my friends have vivid memories of Rancid at the Warfield or Pennywise at the Crest Theater, I don't. I have to see these bands a decade after I should have, but better late than never, right?
This year NOFX is headlining, and I can't wait. I've never seen them live; the closest I've come was at the 2000 Warped Tour, when I needed only to direct my attention to the other stage when Long Beach Dub Allstars finished their set. Instead, I got a call from my girlfriend at the time, more or less demanding to know when I was coming to pick her up. A week later, that girlfriend would bang her roommate's visiting friend and totally lie about it, so needless to say, I should never have even bothered to answer the phone. If that story wasn't so uninteresting or long, I'd probably tell it to Fat Mike and offer him my sincerest apologies, if I ever get to meet him.
Anyway, I quit listening to NOFX because of two albums: Heavy Petting Zoo and OK Computer. Heavy Petting Zoo was a huge disappointment. It has exactly three listenable songs: "Filthy Phil Philanthropist," "Hot Dog in a Hallway" and "Bleeding Heart Disease"; the rest of it pretty much blows. It didn't make sense to me that a band that got better with every subsequent release could churn out such a turd. Of course, I was a rabid Led Zeppelin fan between 1992 and 1994, and when you consider that the last three Zeppelin records get progressively worse, my displeasure with NOFX is a little illogical and kind of unfair. Regardless of that, though, I lost interest in them, especially after I bought OK Computer.
Now, I don't like Radiohead very much any more, but I used to like them a lot. I love The Bends and I love OK Computer, and I have a lot of really fond memories of both, but after the audio equivalent of "The Emperor's New Clothes," I dropped them like an angry cat. By now I may have painted myself as a fickle fan, but I'm really not; Kid A and Amnesiac are good records, but not as good as OK Computer, and certainly not as goddamn good as every music critic (except Nick Hornby, bless him) insisted they were. Plus, I got tired of Thom Yorke's neverending anti-american pontificating. Doesn't he have his own country to shake his finger at? I'm just saying is all.
OK Computer is the only concept album I have ever paid attention too. Other than humoring people who insist that "The Dark Side of Oz" is something other than deterministic pot-talk, I've never bothered with concept albums, with the possible exception of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, since it's on my need-to-get-and-give-a-good-going-over list. I'm not even sure that OK Computer qualifies as a concept album, since there doesn't seem to be a central character or whatever. It is obviously unified in theme (THOM YORKE IS AFRAID OF TECHNOLOGY! SO MUCH THAT HE MADE TWO TECHNO ALBUMS), and my sophomore-year roommate insisted it was a concept album ("a paranoid song-cycle about the soulless mechanization of modern life" Really, Andy? And you say you didn't read that in Rolling Stone?), so for my intents and purposes, that's what it is. The main point of all of this is that after I had digested it, I pretty much decided that I had outgrown the Fat phase of my life.
Then one night in 2003, I went into this bar on 7th street that had one of those mp3 jukeboxes. I went in and loaded it up with Sublime and Bad Religion and Dropkick Murphys, and the bartender and I got to talking about mid '90s punk, and he wanted to know what I thought about the new NOFX album (which, at the time, was The War on Errorism. I of course, had not bothered to listen to it, so he lent it to me, and I was immediately hooked. And since acquiring an iPod, I've been playing catch up with all the releases I've missed. A brief recap:
- So Long and Thanks for All the Shoes is decent. Darth Vato might start covering "Eat the Meek," though Eric does not know it yet.
- Pump Up the Valium wins big.
- 45 or 46 Songs has about 25 songs worth hearing
- I totally missed out on the 7" of the Month Club
- Never Trust a Hippy is also great, though it's more or less a continuation of War on Errorism.
- I haven't gotten Wolves in Wolves Clothing yet, but I'm reviewing it for the Weekly. I hate the album art, though.
- The live album is still my favorite.
They made a video for "Seeing Double at the Triple Rock," and it's not awesome, but it's got me amped about seeing them live. Go see it here.
--The Robo-Pirate
Thursday, April 27, 2006
The Ultimate Reason Why CHiPs is Totally Fake
As I drove around downtown today in a tiresome, if ultimately successful quest to get the Grampus registered, I noticed about six or seven motorcycle cops, and they got me thinking about Ponch and Jon, of the ever-awesome TV show CHiPs. Until the A-Team came around, CHiPs was probably the greatest and most awesome show in the history of great and awesome shows. When I was four or five, CHiPs was so inspirational to me that I combined these khaki-colored Pac-Man pajamas with my dad's socks to make what I thought was the closest thing to a CHP uniform you could have without actually having to be stuck in Barstow pulling over semis.
Anyway, if you recall, Ponch and Jon were CHP officers, and they did all sorts of things that CHP officers never do, such as solve crimes and crack jokes. As near as I can tell, the only thing motorcycle cops ever do in real life is ruin a person's day. Ponch and Jon seemed downright helpful, good-natured and glad to be doing what they were doing, which I have always felt is an inaccurate portrayal of motocycle cops, since they don't seem to like doing much of anything but riding around while scowling. Of course, all of Ponch and Jon's phony industriousness and good cheer might as well be gritty realism when compared to the show's most obvious deviation from real life: Ponch and John didn't weigh three-hundred pounds.
What is the deal with that? Why are most bike cops so fucking fat? When I see a pair riding parallel down the freeway, I am immediately reminded of the world's fattest twins riding those minibikes.* I have a couple friends who were turned down from the Houston and Dallas Police Academies, and near as I can tell, the only reasonable explanation for their rejections is that they are both in too good of shape to be cops.
Stupid fake TV. This is why I only watch cartoons.
--The Robo-Pirate.
*And why in the world are there no pictures of them on the internet?! I bought the The Guinness Book of World Records about seventy different times from the book fairs that came to my school for the very purpose of seeing the world's longest fingernails, the world's fattest woman and the world's fattest fucking twins. There was even a joke on The Family Guy about them, for goodness sake! So where the hell are they?
Anyway, if you recall, Ponch and Jon were CHP officers, and they did all sorts of things that CHP officers never do, such as solve crimes and crack jokes. As near as I can tell, the only thing motorcycle cops ever do in real life is ruin a person's day. Ponch and Jon seemed downright helpful, good-natured and glad to be doing what they were doing, which I have always felt is an inaccurate portrayal of motocycle cops, since they don't seem to like doing much of anything but riding around while scowling. Of course, all of Ponch and Jon's phony industriousness and good cheer might as well be gritty realism when compared to the show's most obvious deviation from real life: Ponch and John didn't weigh three-hundred pounds.
What is the deal with that? Why are most bike cops so fucking fat? When I see a pair riding parallel down the freeway, I am immediately reminded of the world's fattest twins riding those minibikes.* I have a couple friends who were turned down from the Houston and Dallas Police Academies, and near as I can tell, the only reasonable explanation for their rejections is that they are both in too good of shape to be cops.
Stupid fake TV. This is why I only watch cartoons.
--The Robo-Pirate.
*And why in the world are there no pictures of them on the internet?! I bought the The Guinness Book of World Records about seventy different times from the book fairs that came to my school for the very purpose of seeing the world's longest fingernails, the world's fattest woman and the world's fattest fucking twins. There was even a joke on The Family Guy about them, for goodness sake! So where the hell are they?
On the other hand....
Darth Vato heads to Galveston tomorrow in our new van, which I have christened the Grampus. There is a lengthy explanation of why I chose this particular name, but the short of it is that the HMS Grampus was a 14-gun sloop that was experimentally provisioned with only water and beer for several months during the Seven Years' War. It's also a genus of dolphin, as well as the former common name of killer whales.
Anyway, we're piling in the Grampus and heading down to the Gulf to play with a band called Shark Attack at a place called the Balinese Room, where we played last month. According to its website, it used to be some kind of hip, speakeasy type jazz club. It looks cool anyway, and we had fun last time. So I guess it's worth being slammed at work. And just in case Jesus reads this blog, I still could stand to win a lottery jackpot. Even one that's only a million dollars. I don't even need the really big one.
I'm just saying is all.
--The Robo-Pirate
Anyway, we're piling in the Grampus and heading down to the Gulf to play with a band called Shark Attack at a place called the Balinese Room, where we played last month. According to its website, it used to be some kind of hip, speakeasy type jazz club. It looks cool anyway, and we had fun last time. So I guess it's worth being slammed at work. And just in case Jesus reads this blog, I still could stand to win a lottery jackpot. Even one that's only a million dollars. I don't even need the really big one.
I'm just saying is all.
--The Robo-Pirate
Air, please.
I want to disappear right now. That pretty much sums it up. I'm getting swallowed up by everything anyway; it would be great to disappear and start over somewhere else. Wish in one hand, shit in the other, right?
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Thursday, April 06, 2006
What the World Needs Now
This site is awesome. The girls in my office don't think it's funny, which means, of course, that they are totally wrong. Why women don't think farts are funny is an unsolveable (insoluble? No, that's Quik) mystery.
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Monday, March 27, 2006
To wit:
There may not be anyone cooler than you, but there is surely someone who is smarter.
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Friday, March 24, 2006
Meet my son, Thunderfist Guava
According to this Kiss FM DJ's celebrity gossip website, Gwynneth Paltrow is about to fire out another baby. She intends to name it after her godfather, who is none other than Stephen Spielberg. Except that to her ears, Stephen apparently sounds like MOR-TI-MER, because that's what she plans on naming the baby. Now I've always understood that Mortimer is a name you give Jewish kids who grow up to be pharmacists or cartoon mice, but on the other hand, when you are willing to name your firstborn after a piece of fruit, I suppose all bets are off.
Seriously, if you think you might want to saddle your unborn children with stupid names why not get a bunch of poodles and get all that foolishness out of your system? Poodles don't give two shits about what you call them. In fact, the only sound you can make that they respond to nearly always has to do with food. Also, unlike children, if poodles don't like their names, you can just eat them if they start complaining about it.
--The Robo-Pirate
Seriously, if you think you might want to saddle your unborn children with stupid names why not get a bunch of poodles and get all that foolishness out of your system? Poodles don't give two shits about what you call them. In fact, the only sound you can make that they respond to nearly always has to do with food. Also, unlike children, if poodles don't like their names, you can just eat them if they start complaining about it.
--The Robo-Pirate
Thursday, March 09, 2006
How to Make a Band ca. 2003-2006
Dump your sister's jeans, a shirt from your favorite metalcore band, backwards hair, doublekick pedals and tuneless vocals into Protools. Wrap resulting mess in lengthy name made from a subordinate clause or prepositional phrase. Simmer on Myspace for ten minutes. Serve immediately. Feeds ten.
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Monday, March 06, 2006
Oscar Wieners
Well anyway, I don't normally watch the Oscars, and of course, this year was no exception. My lack of attention is usually due to the fact that I never get around to watching all the Best Picture nominees. This is best explained by the fact that I went and saw Ultraviolet this weekend. Apart from the fact that Milla Jovovich is in it, I can't really recommend any other virtue. My girlfriend said it was better than Aeon Flux. One review of Ultraviolet remarked that it looked like a shampoo commercial. The main difference between Ultraviolet and a L'Oreal ad is that the narrative in a shampoo commercial is relatively easy to follow. Plus, I care about the characters a lot more.
Anyway, everyone in my office was bemoaning the fact that Crash won best picture. I didn't see it, but what I find amusing is that The Three 6 Mafia won the award for best original song. I had a roommate during and after college who listened to them, and honestly, I haven't thought about them in about eight years, but from now on, I will now refer to them as "Oscar-Winning Rap Artists Three 6 Mafia." I don't know if that is a cool thing for a rap group to be or not, but it's probably good that the Oscar statue is gold.
--The Robo-Pirate
Anyway, everyone in my office was bemoaning the fact that Crash won best picture. I didn't see it, but what I find amusing is that The Three 6 Mafia won the award for best original song. I had a roommate during and after college who listened to them, and honestly, I haven't thought about them in about eight years, but from now on, I will now refer to them as "Oscar-Winning Rap Artists Three 6 Mafia." I don't know if that is a cool thing for a rap group to be or not, but it's probably good that the Oscar statue is gold.
--The Robo-Pirate
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Prurient Interest
OOPS!
p.s.
This is probably hot in the parallel universe in which Lindsey Lohan did not become emaciated via Colombian diet powder. It's the one where she lives next door to me and also works at McDonald's.
p.s.
This is probably hot in the parallel universe in which Lindsey Lohan did not become emaciated via Colombian diet powder. It's the one where she lives next door to me and also works at McDonald's.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Avengers Assemble!
Let's face it. No matter how cool I think I am, I will never be able to erase the episodes of riding my bike to the Comic Grapevine to play Street Fighter II and flip through the 918 different X-titles during the springs and summers of '91 and '92. And honestly, why would I ever want to? Those were some of the happiest times of my life. Fortunately, I have discovered a way to celebrate that era of my life (apart from riding my bike to Lonestar Comics and flipping through 917 different X-titles) by tuning into Fanboy Radio, on 88.7 KTCU (click here to hear it on the web). If you have buried an adolescent nerd deep within a shell of grownup problems and adult facades, it's a great way to indulge your secret identity.
--The Robo-Pirate
--The Robo-Pirate
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Vandal SEO Poser
I'm about to officially become a freelance writer (I am making this sound like a much bigger deal than it is), and as such, I wonder about the future of print publishing in the age of the blog. See, I know about the agonizing process of submitting material to various journals, magazines and publishers, and I know how it's an uphill climb, the hill in question usually rising at an 80 degree incline (unless of course, you're a vapid ex-junkie professional celebrity, in which case you don't have to do anything but be related to someone). However, when everyone in the universe has a blog, will that mean that the door to print-publication (and I'm not talking about self-published stuff, or low-rent, quickie-mart porno mags) becomes even tinier and more elitist? Talk amongst yourselves.
Anyway, adding to the growing list of bloggers is my good buddy and bandmate, Kerry. Kerry works at the same place I do, and he works on natural search engine optimization. Or, what the rest of us refer to as MAGIC. Kerry writes about his SEO journeys here. He recently caught MSN cheating at SEO. So go to his site. It's pretty funny.
--The Robo-Pirate
Anyway, adding to the growing list of bloggers is my good buddy and bandmate, Kerry. Kerry works at the same place I do, and he works on natural search engine optimization. Or, what the rest of us refer to as MAGIC. Kerry writes about his SEO journeys here. He recently caught MSN cheating at SEO. So go to his site. It's pretty funny.
--The Robo-Pirate
Thursday, February 09, 2006
I liked Geena Davis better when she had a job (and Joe Kelly is an idiot).
A few days ago, I biliously frothed about GLAAD's upbraiding of American Idol, because of Simon Cowell's insensitive treatment of a cross dresser. A couple of minutes ago, I read an article in a similar vein. This time the gripes came from Geena Davis, who, when she isn't empowering women to drive convertibles off cliffs, is busy founding gender-advocacy programs. As you might imagine, she is not advocating on behalf of little boys.
Her program, called See Jane, falls under the greater auspices of Dads & Daughters, and they both seek to increase balanced gender represenation in children's entertainment. This aim, in an of itself, is not a bad thing at all, though if you need a reason why there is a greater proportion of male characters to female characters in kids shows, simply compare the entire run of My Little Pony to any one episode of G.I. JOE; you will find that cartoons geared exclusively for girls are pretty lame.
Anyway, this group did a study on the top-grossing G-rated movies from 1990 to 2004, and it discovered that the male-female ratio in this films is a distressing 3:1. Clearly this a notable statistic, but I question the validity of its claim, largely because I don't think these people consider minor details such as narrative context. Joe Kelly, who co-founded Dads & Daughters, remarked that the findings of the study exposed a flaw in Toy Story, and made him realize that the only female character was Bo Peep. Well, Joe, if you can take a momentary break from your hand-wringing, you might notice that the setting of Toy Story takes place in the bedroom of an eight year BOY. I don't know if you are aware of this, Joe, but most boys don't play with girls' toys. On account of most boys being boys.
--The Robo-Pirate
Her program, called See Jane, falls under the greater auspices of Dads & Daughters, and they both seek to increase balanced gender represenation in children's entertainment. This aim, in an of itself, is not a bad thing at all, though if you need a reason why there is a greater proportion of male characters to female characters in kids shows, simply compare the entire run of My Little Pony to any one episode of G.I. JOE; you will find that cartoons geared exclusively for girls are pretty lame.
Anyway, this group did a study on the top-grossing G-rated movies from 1990 to 2004, and it discovered that the male-female ratio in this films is a distressing 3:1. Clearly this a notable statistic, but I question the validity of its claim, largely because I don't think these people consider minor details such as narrative context. Joe Kelly, who co-founded Dads & Daughters, remarked that the findings of the study exposed a flaw in Toy Story, and made him realize that the only female character was Bo Peep. Well, Joe, if you can take a momentary break from your hand-wringing, you might notice that the setting of Toy Story takes place in the bedroom of an eight year BOY. I don't know if you are aware of this, Joe, but most boys don't play with girls' toys. On account of most boys being boys.
--The Robo-Pirate
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