Just tired

tired
I'm tired of not being able to get ahead.

I'm tired of feeling guilty for complaining when others are worse off than I.

I'm tired of working my ass off for a band and getting nothing but broken vans and broken relationships for my effort.

I'm tired of the universe rewarding sloth and pissing on effort.

I'm tired of the bad guys getting bailed out.

I'm tired of being whiny.

I'm tired of feeling bad for being whiny.

I'm tired of being fat.

I'm tired of being alone.

I'm tired of being aimless.

I'm tired of being tired.

Things I did this weekend

1. Watched Junior graduate from basic training. Fraternal pride bursting to seams

2. Saw a glimpse of a possible, personal future: gray-haired, cul-de-sac'd,
mustachioed, paunchy dude scribbling an entry into a personal journal at the airport Chili's at O'Hare.

3. Played a show at a new club, tried out my Danelectro DC 3 bass

4. Drank waaaaaaay too much whiskey, to the point where I was later foiled in an
attempt to cut pork chops at Ol' South.

5. Watched Some Kind of Monster; left with a feeling of pathos for James Hetfield that conflicted directly with my flabbergastment that these guys used to be the toughest, fastest, leanest band from my childhood and teenage years, and now they sell Basquiats and talk about feelings to a guy who wears Cosby sweaters. And furthermore, one of the most awkward things to watch in a rock documentary is when they show the frontman writing lyrics and recording vocals. For whatever reason, this totally takes away from the magic and power of recorded music, at least where a rock album is concerned. I guess watching some R&B guy do a vocal take isn't that big a deal, but when you see a guy who normally looks like a Hell's Angel working hard on rhyming shitty couplets about anger and then spitting them into a microphone while clad in an Aloha shirt and flip flops, it's worse than finding out how a magic trick works. Or getting excited about Six Flags and then going there.

6. Spent Sunday morning hungover, later played a '74 jazz bass, which was totally
awesome.

7. Watched the following: Super High Me (decent), two episodes of Firefly ("Out of Gas" and "Ariel") and Crumb (ugh. But totally fascinating)

8. Left dishes on the living room floor, ate entire box of Wheat Thins.

Jon Ward

Please pray for my friend Jon. His cancer has returned, and he is back to where he started. Tumor is back to its original size despite three rounds of chemo.