Saturday, October 08, 2005


You know when you go eat Mexican food and you have two quarters left over so you go over to the put-quarters-in-and-turn-the-knob prize dispensers and there is a Homie prize dispenser, and the top part has really awesome Homies like the guy in the wheelchair or the big cholo-looking one who's restraining a pitbull and then you put quarters in and turn the knob and you don't get either of those but instead get the chick with a pink coat on, who looks pretty much like the other chicks with the pink coats (I went to high school with those chicks, by the way) who you got the last two times you purchased a Homie out of a Homie-dispenser? Well, that's how I feel when I hit the NEXT BLOG >> button on this thing. I want a funny or interesting blog, but what I get is one about how research shows that lizards cure cancer or how research shows that smoking makes your eyeballs fall out or some other such sponsored nonsense. So when one of those pops up, I push NEXT BLOG >>, and then this next one is in Spanish, and I don't read Spanish very well, and so I push NEXT BLOG >> and this one appears to be in Arabic, and I don't read Arabic at all. So of course, why not check out the NEXT BLOG >>? Because the NEXT BLOG >> looks like the layout desk in Juggs' editorial department, because it is haphazardly covered with pictures of amateur topless women with preposterously large breasts.

I gave it one more shot, and the NEXT BLOG >> did not make me laugh as much as it made me consider how I probably should get around to learning Norwegian, so I can learn how Alexander feels about David Cronenberg's Videodrome. I will admit that I am interested in learning Norwegian now, because of the proliferation of decorative diacritic marks on Norwegian letters. While the English alphabet is basically limited to the occasional breve and umlaut, the letters in the Norwegian alphabet look like you could hang them on a Christmas tree.

So anyway, when you click on that button, chances are you aren't going to get what you're after. Certainly not a cholo with a pitbull.

--The Robo-Pirate


The Stash Dauber said...

hilarious! almost enough to make up for bumming out yr mom.


ANDREW M. said...

the homies are always a gamble. not only do you never get the ones you want (i.e. the ones they draw you in with behind the glass display,) you usually get ones you never even knew existed (and for good reason.) i've had my eye on the cat in the wheelchair for some time, and something tells me that no matter how many quarters i plunk into that machine, wheelchair homie ain't rolling on down (pun intended.)

Liz said...

You are right on with the Next Blog button although I haven’t been fortunate enough to come across any pervy ones. I end up scavenging through the profile links to find blogs but often they only have one or two posts. Last time I tried I got robbed of my change all homie style.

Dread Pirate Megan said...

i found you with the next blog button...shared you with my best friend too..and my cousin..his brother..his brothers are a popular blog in my world.