If anyone outside of Texas has been watching the Weather Channel, you will have noticed that the weather-guessers have directed their ebullience toward describing the below-freezing temps currently wreaking havoc on the driving preferences of DFW residents. For those of you who live here, you're already tired of those people (who drive around muttering about having to keep an actual car-length or two between them and the car in front). A while back, I griped, in a sort of back-handed way, about the fact that it was November and still 80 degrees outside, implying that I wished Texas experienced actual seasons rather than summer, spring, summer and hell. Well, I take it all back.
Call me a wimp, those of you who have to deal with snow and ice for four months of the year. I tip my hat my hat to you and ask that if you have time, perhaps you'd like to give me a lift to work. I hate this shit. I don't drive well in it, but at least I admit it, which is more than I can say for the other million people in the DFW Wretchroplex. On top of bald tires, a light vehicle and a relative lack of experience with icy roads, my trips around town have been further complicated by Fort Worth morons who are largely ignorant of the physical properties of ice and wholly ignorant of what happens when you accelerate while driving upon it. Their logic runs as follows, "Well, my truck weighs more than a ton and I have two extra wheels on my rear axle, which means I can drive as wrecklessly as I do when the streets are dry." Or, that axiom's corrolary, "I drive a Mercedes, and because my Mercedes costs sixty grand, the laws of physics obviously do not apply." And if they aren't operating their vehicle according to those rules, they follow this one: "Fucking speed up! Get out of my way! Why the fuck are you going so slow?!"
So God, if you've got a sec, would you mind putting the thermostat at say, forty-five? I don't mind it being winter, but there are several reasons why I don't live in Boston, chief among them I HATE DRIVING ON ICE!!!!!!