Thursday, December 08, 2005

Fort Worth vs. the Frost Giants

If anyone outside of Texas has been watching the Weather Channel, you will have noticed that the weather-guessers have directed their ebullience toward describing the below-freezing temps currently wreaking havoc on the driving preferences of DFW residents. For those of you who live here, you're already tired of those people (who drive around muttering about having to keep an actual car-length or two between them and the car in front). A while back, I griped, in a sort of back-handed way, about the fact that it was November and still 80 degrees outside, implying that I wished Texas experienced actual seasons rather than summer, spring, summer and hell. Well, I take it all back.

Call me a wimp, those of you who have to deal with snow and ice for four months of the year. I tip my hat my hat to you and ask that if you have time, perhaps you'd like to give me a lift to work. I hate this shit. I don't drive well in it, but at least I admit it, which is more than I can say for the other million people in the DFW Wretchroplex. On top of bald tires, a light vehicle and a relative lack of experience with icy roads, my trips around town have been further complicated by Fort Worth morons who are largely ignorant of the physical properties of ice and wholly ignorant of what happens when you accelerate while driving upon it. Their logic runs as follows, "Well, my truck weighs more than a ton and I have two extra wheels on my rear axle, which means I can drive as wrecklessly as I do when the streets are dry." Or, that axiom's corrolary, "I drive a Mercedes, and because my Mercedes costs sixty grand, the laws of physics obviously do not apply." And if they aren't operating their vehicle according to those rules, they follow this one: "Fucking speed up! Get out of my way! Why the fuck are you going so slow?!"

So God, if you've got a sec, would you mind putting the thermostat at say, forty-five? I don't mind it being winter, but there are several reasons why I don't live in Boston, chief among them I HATE DRIVING ON ICE!!!!!!

--The Robo-Pirate

4 comments:

Pizarks said...

Right there with you...I have a theory about these people, allow me to explain :

Type 1 - Drive like a bat out of hell no matter what is happening. It can be raining, sleeting, snowing. There could be tornados, hurricanes, hail storms and earth quakes. But these idiots think that if they go 50 on a neighborhood street that they are going to somehow escape these circumstances. These people suck. They are the reason I am afraid to drive.

Type 2 - People who are overly cautious about driving. Meaning they drive 5mph if it even looks like rain. They pull out in front of you and expect you to slow to 5mph they refuse to turn even if the light is green because they are timid. They sit at the stop sign for 7 minutes and they use blinkers to a fault. They ride their brakes and hit the gas at the same time they are terrible drivers and I wonder how they got a license.

Im still trying to decide who is worse on Ice...

Mikey said...

Driving on ice sucks! I hit a bad patch once drivin' through utah. Over by cedar city, about a couple hours outside of las vegas on the I 15. It was middle of the night. I was pulling an all nighter drive a storm was hitting. I got on the other side of a pass and was going downhill, in a pick-up truck, a toyota. Anyhow, I hit a patch of ice and got all sideways and squirrely. I don't know how I did it but I recovered. I was feeling tired and fatigued up to that point, then it was one of the biggest adrenaline shots I have had in years. One of those "I almost coulda died" adrenaline shots. Be careful on that Ice.

Liz said...

Yea people around here are just clueless about driving one ice. I was lucky and didn’t have to go out in it. I’m with you and hope it gets a little warmer. Say 50’s for Christmas sounds good to me.

ANDREW M. said...

i don't think you're a "wimp" at all cause ice is a motherfucker when it comes to driving, ESPECIALLY when it's less than common where you live. keep safe out there...