Friday, March 24, 2006

Meet my son, Thunderfist Guava

According to this Kiss FM DJ's celebrity gossip website, Gwynneth Paltrow is about to fire out another baby. She intends to name it after her godfather, who is none other than Stephen Spielberg. Except that to her ears, Stephen apparently sounds like MOR-TI-MER, because that's what she plans on naming the baby. Now I've always understood that Mortimer is a name you give Jewish kids who grow up to be pharmacists or cartoon mice, but on the other hand, when you are willing to name your firstborn after a piece of fruit, I suppose all bets are off.

Seriously, if you think you might want to saddle your unborn children with stupid names why not get a bunch of poodles and get all that foolishness out of your system? Poodles don't give two shits about what you call them. In fact, the only sound you can make that they respond to nearly always has to do with food. Also, unlike children, if poodles don't like their names, you can just eat them if they start complaining about it.

--The Robo-Pirate

3 comments:

ANDREW M. said...

my last name rhymes with "beaver" and (if you have the proper
imagination) "weiner," so i'm trying to come up with names for our upcoming baby that some simpleton won't be able to easily rearrange. we'll see... but as it goes, the stupidest, ugliest, meanest kids tend to come up with the most devastating and longest lasting nicknames.

thankfully, my friends and i are pretty lowbrow and immature when the situation demands, so i've
been tossing possible names out there and seeing how quickly we can rip them apart. it's far too easy. yeesh...

Robo-Pirate said...

Well, given that you have a Dalek for a picture, I'm sure you'll think of something safe and brilliant.

Wink said...

Hey! Why you gotta pick on poodles?