Thursday, January 19, 2006

Polly wanna mouthful of alka seltzer?

My apartment came with a smoke alarm, and I discovered this morning that it is possessed by the spirit of someone's panicky mom. It totally freaked out because I made toast. Not smoke, mind you, but regular, old toast. And when I tried to shut it off, it wouldn't stop, so I took the battery out. It still wouldn't stop. I yanked it off the wall, revealing a tangled warren of wires, and it subsided to a single beep every thirty seconds. I think what it is doing now is akin to sulking, but if it's still beeping after all that, I'm calling a priest.

The other thing my apartment came with that makes a lot of noise is a parrot. It lives on the balcony directly above me, and of course, it's not only a parrot, but a talking parrot. After I had angered the nagging goddess of smoke detection, I heard these creepy muppet sounds coming from outside. I hopped over the patio railing and to investigate, and sure enough, there was a wire cage cresting the top of the upstair's neighbor's patio. So there's that. I couldn't figure out exactly what it was trying to say, but I have a feeling it will soon learn to repeat "shut the fuck up" loudly and clearly.

--The Robo-Pirate

1 comment:

Liz said...

Once I had a heat alarm do that, but it also triggered the house alarm. I couldn’t get it to shut up. Finally bludgeoned it with a hammer until it flew off the ceiling. My ears were practically bleeding by time I got it to stop. Took me 2 months to figure out how to rewire the house alarm. I decided to by pass replacing it.

As for that parrot, it’s nothing over cooking a skillet won’t fix. Ah I guess that’s mean. Maybe just try to teach it “My owner is a child molester” when their gone.